


Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

by Nymus



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Songfic, sadfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymus/pseuds/Nymus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1 - Jin's Yesterday<br/>Jin was back but nothing was the way he had left when he departed. Kazuya had changed. Everything had changed.</p><p>Part 2 - Kazuya's Today<br/>The past is only a moment in time. Kazuya learned and looked the present to try create some joy in his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jin's Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic – White Flag – Dido

**Part 1 – Jin's Yesterday**  
  
  
“Kazu... I still love you!”  
  
  
 **I know you think that  
I shouldn't still love you, or tell you that.**  
  
  
When Jin Akanishi declared himself, it was only natural he expected a loving smile of Kazuya Kamenashi. Jin liked to whisper how much he loved him, he liked to see Kazuya blushed when he'd whispher about his love in inconvenient places.  
  
There's not a place for it, although the situation was turned his declaration in somewhat inconvenient. They were bathed in moonlight and Kazuya was next to the window of JE's great hall, away from people that would greet Jin for his return into Japan and KAT-TUN.  
  
Kazuya embraced himself, like if he was cold and he only lifted a eyebrow with Jin's declaration. It was the first time since he had returned that Kazuya looked into the eyes. Jin was scared for that and the only thing he thought was to repeat many times “I love you” until receiving a warm smile of Kazuya and he could feel that all was well.  
  
“Ne... I love you!”  
  
There was no reaction. Kazuya was still looking at him the same way, the cold brown eyes and the null expression on his face. Chills would run of Jin's spine and he reconized that indifference. To his misfortune, indifference was part of his departure for the United States could have on his relationship with Kazuya.  
  
  
 **But if I didn't say it, while I'd still have felt it  
Where's the sense in that?**  
  
  
“Who needs affection when I’ve got blind hatred?” Jin whispered to himself and Kazuya looked away, staring at the window. “You...”.  
  
“Your permission to like me was over when you made your choice. Please, respect it.” Kazuya whispered too, his fingers pressing into his arms. He sighed and Jin felt lost.  
  
He knew this could happen. He knew Kazuya could hate him. He knew the consequences. Precisely, he traveled to the United States, he turned his back to the group that he belonged and left his boyfriend alone. He didn’t warn the day he would embark and let everyone speculate about. He didn't want to tell Kazuya when he would go, he didn’t want to upset him more. He understood now what a great stupidity it was. He should have warned him, had satisfactions to him.  
  
The last kiss was at night while Kazuya slept sweetly at his side. Jin murmured to him he would comeback, he kissed his lovely lips and he left.  
  
“Gomen ne? I was selfish... I was scared.”  
  
“Why are you telling me this?” Kazuya looks at him, his face was still blank.  
  
 _Hate me Kazu... Hate me, please!_  
  
“Because I can't help it. Because I know I did wrong things. I wish I had done differentely... I swear that...”  
  
“Shut up, Akanishi. I don't care what you have to say. This conversation is unnecessary since it doesn’t make sense.”  
  
“Is it the way you prefer to finish everything?”  
  
“Finish? Finish what? You finished with anything, don’t blame me for that.”  
  
His eyes were so cold and his expression devoid of feelings. He looked as if Jin had never been close, as if Jin was just someone that was bothering him. Where was that lovely guy who used to be his boyfriend?  
  
  
 **I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were**  
  
  
He could only imagine the damage he had done in Kazuya’s life. He could only wish that he felt anger, bitterness, loneliness. He wanted to believe that there was still a chance. Kazuya's eyes pointed to the opposite direction. His body language said he might have thought about it, he might have come to a conclusion. Maybe now he despised Jin.  
  
Jin's heart pounded in his chest slowly, losing the strength he expected to find in Kazuya's eyes. There was nothing there, not even a glimmer of happiness, nothing. The force that would boost ahead had stopped.  
  
“Ne... Wanna get back together?”  
  
The answer came in an ironic look of Kazuya and the way he walked away without looking back. Jin followed his gaze, unable to go after him. That's when his mind turned to the welcome party that was being thown to him. He looked at all those people and tried to see something else in them. There were smiles, there were nods, but there wasn’t what he wanted.  
  
  
 **But I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be**  
  
  
At the first meeting of Jin’s return, he learned about the TV show of the group and was eager to participate. He was looking in the mirror when Kazuya entered the dressing room laughing with Koki. His eyes followed him through the mirror, Kazuya didn’t care to talk to Jin, he spent most of the time apart and barely looked at him. Koki greeted Jin with his lively way, and Kazuya, perhaps by well manners, quickly nodded his head.  
  
He watched helplessly when Koki placed the hat on Kazuya's head and laughed again. His fingers followed to the thin tie worn by Kazuya, tying it, while Koki was talking about Kazuya being unable to tie it right. They both laughed, ignoring Jin altogether. They were leaving when Kazuya put a red cap on Koki's head and they went through the door, happy, too close to each other.  
  
Alone there, Jin lowered his head, black hair blocked his vision. He murmured in other occasions the magic 'I love you', but hadn’t got a response that wasn’t Kazuya’s cold look. It was the same as if Jin was teasing him, as if it was one of those crazy fans screaming for Kazuya when they recognized him on the streets.  
  
He left the dressing room a little stunned by what he had seen. He met Tatsuya and Maru and he tried to look as happy as possible. It was hard to lie for so long, but he had to struggle.  
  
  
 **I know I left too much mess and destruction  
to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble**  
  
  
“So Kame got mad... I’ve never seen him so desolate and so furious. Your trip almost caused the end of the group.” Tatsuya commented stirring in a teaspoon. His voice seemed distant as he recounted what had happened when Jin was gone. They were together at a baker near the studio recordings of Cartoon KAT-TUN, a week after Jin’s premiere on the show.  
  
“But Kame was really bad... But you know how he is, he didn't say what was the problem and solved it alone. It was scary when he appeared a few days later, full of energy and willing. It didn’t look like the same person of days ago... It was an interesting contrast.” Maru said.  
  
Jin said nothing. He stared at the empty cup in front of him and he felt really bad. Kazuya didn’t respond to his emails, his messages, his calls too. Not now and not before when he was in the United States. Jin believed it was some kind of misunderstanding and therefore Kazuya didn't respond. He would never let it aside.  
  
But there was no misunderstanding. Kazuya didn't answer because he didn't want to. How he was doing now.  
  
Could Jin think badly about this? Of course not. He sailed into the night, as one would flee, unannouncing to friends and boyfriend. He knew that if he did a farewell, he wouldn’t get to go. If he had to look at Kazuya and explain why he was going, he wouldn’t go. He had to do it that way so that he could do. He had that urge to visit the western lands, he wanted to see the culture, he wanted to know everything, he wanted to feel everything and have contact with foreigners. It was his will and Jin could not even deny to it. ... He wanted everything. All he had to do was get out early, and hidden from him. And he did.  
  
He was so weak. If he had to say goodbye to Kazuya, he would never have gone. He would have embraced his languid body and loved him through the night. But things were done that way. The excuses could reach somewhere in the heart of Kazuya, but Jin would never know if they would be absorbed.  
  
So... This made sense. It was his fault. He wasn’t thinking about how this could be bad for the group and had thought of the consequences very briefly for Kazuya.  
  
 _I understand if you can't talk to me again._  
  
“Kazu!” Jin ran after Kazuya seizing the moment he met alone, two days after the conversation at the bakery. Kazuya stopped walking and stared at him. Jin stopped near him and breathed with difficulty as he watched him. He had that blank expression on his face and the wind messed his hair so that it distracted Jin. “You walk too fast! God! I'm breathless.”  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
“Talk to me... Yell at me... I can't stand this coldness.”  
  
“I don’t have the desire to do this. I don’t have any disposition to talk to you. Have a nice day.”  
  
Kazuya turned around after quickly waving his hand and went into the studio to record Cartoon KAT-TUN. Jin froze with his coolness. He had told the truth, he couldn’t stand that indifference. He wanted Kazuya to hit him, that he react with some feeling. And all those desires made him worse.  
  
It was likely that Kazuya would never talk to him. Never again ... It felt like hell to Jin.  
  
  
 **And if you live by the rules of "it's over"  
then I'm sure that makes sense**  
  
  
Still, Jin couldn’t leave things that way. He returned to running after Kazuya when he saw him entering the dressing room. Jin went over there and closed the door behind him, looking at his ex-boyfriend. Kazuya made a sound with his mouth that indicated that he considered the attitude stupid and he pulled the scarf from his neck quietly, putting on the table.  
  
“You... You can't end up like this! When I say _I love you_ , I'm serious. When I say _I miss you_ is because I feel it. When I say _I want you_... Hell, Kazu, I mean really.”  
  
“I know you are.”  
  
“So... So why are you doing this?”  
  
“Because it's over. You always said you were selfish. And I've always been an idiot, believing that your selfishness was just a weird way of loving. But it wasn’t... You... Can you understand how I felt when I woke up and read your note? Can you at least try to understand the efforts we made to all we built professionally not disappear? I think you're very selfish about all of this. But I learned my lesson, you know, I learn things easily.”  
  
Kazuya's voice was cold and serious. During the months he was away, Kazuya had been through a lot. Jin was thinking about it, that’s all he could think about. That passionate Kazuya and who had a pleasant smile to any of Jin's joke wasn’t there anymore. In front of him was someone who looked very much like someone who Jin loved.  
  
Was that change his fault? Was it his fault?  
  
Kazuya had said without any mood changes, as if he was saying the most obvious thing in the world, as if Jin couldn’t understand it. And he really couldn’t. Few things made sense at that time and he was confused too. That pain returned to his chest when Kazuya turned away to grab something on the table. He was ignoring him again.  
  
“Kazu... I'm sorry... I'm sorry!”  
  
Jin ended the distance between them and hugged Kazuya. He squeezed him gently and closed his eyes, hiding his face on Kazuya’s neck.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
Jin felt Kazuya's hand on his arm and in a gently way as he touched him.  
  
“It's over. It’s too late for that.”  
  
Jin set him free from his arms. He didn’t move when the youngest man came out of the dressing room. It was the end of everything. That pain was in his throat and threatened his eyes. He touched his face when it could no longer avoid the tears.  
  
  
 **But I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be**  
  
  
Kazuya was so close and so far. Jin was still overcome by desire to be near him. He did it unconsciously, always approaching a bit. After that last hug, Kazuya didn’t completely ignore him and even talked a bit more to him. It was like he was throwing a few crumbs more. And Jin was being an idiot for picking each one of those pieces.  
  
Jin, hopeful that would Kazuya come back. That their relationship would improve a little. That, one day, they would be together again.  
  
  
 **And when we meet  
Which I'm sure we will  
All that was then  
Will be there still**  
  
  
Jin was sitting in the courtyard of the studio and played with a cigarette in hand. He had quit smoking but to irritate Kazuya, he started smoking again. It’s because he’d remember Kazuya saying in disapproval about his addiction. Jin missed that.  
  
He missed many things. Especially Kazuya.  
  
He stuck the cigarette to his lips when he noticed that he was shaking. Weeks had passed, their relationship was increasingly marked for a total indifference. He had been angry, had fought with Kazuya, had shouted. None of that had an effect on his ex-boyfriend. All that Kazuya did was look at him like he was a complete stranger and talk in that controlled tone of voice, what he was thinking about.  
  
They just had had a discussion and Maru sent him out so he could speak with Kazuya. Jin was gone and now was there, totally frustrated. He didn’t know what else to do to make Kazuya see how he was suffering. And while suffering, Kazuya looked strong and secure inside that bloody mental fortitude that kept all Jin’s feeling away.  
  
He blew a smoke hardly, looking at the ground, his legs spread wide, elbows on knees. He did not know for how long he was there, but the third cigarette was been lit when he noticed Kazuya was across the courtyard, half hidden behind a column. His eyes focused on each of his movements. Kazuya propped up in the tree and slid down until hewas completely at Jin’s sight.  
  
The eyes met and Jin could register his surprise. At that moment, Kazuya was as Jin remembered, with eyes full of joy and anxiety. He even looked younger, his face without all the worries he carried because of the recordings of the program or group appointments. The cigarette fell from his fingers when Jin's body shuddered in completely. He felt as if he had gone back in time and that Kazuya he remembered and loved was in front of him. It was like a mirage.  
  
And it was as fast as if it really was a mirage. Kazuya lowered his head and walked away, looking for another place to refuge. Jin followed him with his eyes and that well known pain stole his breath. Mad, he took the cigarette from the floor and lit it up again.  
  
  
 **I'll let it pass  
And hold my tongue  
And you will think  
That I've moved on....**  
  
  
“The girls are so hot... Are you sure you don’t wanna go? You always liked _goukon_!”  
  
Jin wanted to tell Tatsuya he wanted nothing but to die, so who knows, maybe the pain could pass. He was gonna respond negatively, when he noticed Kazuya got near.  
  
“Sure, why not?”  
  
His answer sounded very excited. He pretended he didn't see Kazuya there and Tatsuya also called the youngest. Jin looked as if Kazuya was just another guy of the staff. To his horror, Kazuya smiled and denied invitation, wishing good to them. It was horrible the way Kazuya kept the smile on his face and said goodbye with some enthusiasm.  
  
Without knowing how to interpret this, Jin repeated the action several times. Everything that he won were Kazuya’s smiles, as if he was happy for Jin seeking other companies. And due to that smile, Jin began to accept all appointments and meetings involving women. He even enjoyed the fact, though sometimes he had laughed a lot, it was only for that smile.  
  
It was when he arrived late for the recording that he heard voices coming from the dressing room and he hid so the conversation wouldn’t end. Kazuya was with Maru in the room and while straighteneing his hair, he talked about Jin. He heard the voice of Kazuya, that voice tone that made Jin's whole body shake, and he was saying that he was happy to see Jin have fun like in the old days.  
  
Jin felt the worst person of all. He turned around, bumped into Koki and fled the scene. He ran to the roof and hid behind an air entrance, fighting back his tears. It was his fault he had lost the great love of his life. And it was because of Kazuya he felt that way.  
  
His plan to make Kazuya jealous and mad had gone wrong. Kazuya was above those things that Jin thought were important. Kazuya was happy for him. While they fought, Kazuya just wanted the best for Jin.  
  
What was so wrong about that? Anyway... Jin felt the worst man in the world. He was so selfish, petty and so silly that he would never have that type of consideratoin that Kazuya showed. He wanted to be better than he was, but at that moment, all he could do was to feel sorry for himself and louzy. There should be no place for people like him anywhere in the world.  
  
  
 **I will go down with this ship**  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be  
  
  
But wasn’t that why he had fallen in love with the youngest? Kazuya was better that him in ever sense. He was mature, he was smart, he was quick, he was handsome, he was good. Hell, Kazuya was too good!  
  
Jin covered his mouth with his hands, trying to control the tremor that shook his body and made his lips collide violently. He closed his eyes and felt sadness when he realized the truth. The truth was something like: you missed Jin Akanishi. You missed when you made your choice. Choices exist to be chosen, loved and hated.  
  
When he finally understood, he wiped his wet face with the sleeve of his blouse and could smile sadly. To get Kamenashi Kazuya back, he would have to be someone else. A better person than he was. Jin would strive for it. Meanwhile, he would keep his love somewhere where nobody could see, touch or know. He would protect that love because I knew that was the best thing about himself that ever existed.  
  
That had been his best decision since returning to Japan and he could feel okay when I thought about it. So Jin picked himself up after three hours hiding there and joined the others. He had things to do with the group and planned to be a better person in the future.  
  
All he had to do was to strive for that.


	2. Kazuya's Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is only a moment in time. Kazuya learned and looked the present to try create some joy in his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English isn't my native language. Sorry my mistakes. No beta for me this time, my betas are busy and I respect them.

Songfic – **My Lover's Gone** – Dido  
  
  
Kazuya Kamenashi thought he has the best love in the world.  
  
Jin Akanishi, two years old than Kazuya, was his boyfriend and his best friend. _At least, it was Kazuya thought._ There wasn’t and never will be another person like Jin. He was perfect in everything. _It was Kazuya believed._  
  
When Kazuya felt alone, Jin was there for embraces him. When Kazuya was depressed, Jin’s voice always came cheer him up. When Kazuya needed affection, Jin was there. When it rained, Jin offered shelter in his umbrella. When the cold suddenly came, there was always a Jin’s blouse. When there were Kazuya’s tears, there was the gentle Jin’s smile. Always had Jin.  
  
Jin occupied his thoughts. Jin occupied his free time. Jin occupied all spaces Kazuya didn’t know existied.  
  
 _The air was Jin. The ocean was Jin. The starry sky was Jin. Everything was Jin._  
  
There wasn’t greater love than his love. So matched, so affectionate and so kind. Kazuya believed in "happily ever after". Nothing proved otherwise to him. Everything was going well, with Jin's arms around him, with his silly grin always ready. With Jin’s sweet kisses, Jin’s voice hoarse whispering Kazuya’s name. It was wonderful to hear "I love you" in other places that were not his apartment and bed. Kazuya blushed, he loved raunchy Jin.  
  
At that night Jin was perfect. Jin had done everything a perfect boyfriend would. Even Kazuya didn’t like to be treated like a girl, he had given only this night. He had given in all ways. He had given his heart, his body and his soul. He didn’t belong to yourself, he wanted belongs to Jin.  
  
The true love would come thereby to surrender. It was Kazuya believed with his 20 years old. It was he truly believed until that perfect night.  
  
  
 _ **My lover's gone  
His boots no longer by my door**_  
  
  
When Kazuya offers everything he expected something back. All Kazuya was found was that note of three lines and a rose. The apartment used to be filled by the contagious energy and joy of Jin, now looked gray, the color of grief and sorrow. Everything was summed up in three lines, a wrong kanji, a strange farewell.  
  
The note was cleary. Jin went to the United States. He talked about it in rare occasions, he didn’t allow Kazuya knew more. So, Jin decided from them and he traveled. At least, Jin didn’t consult Kazuya about your decision, he believed Kazuya would accept and expect his return.  
  
Kazuya never understood what Jin was thinking. He knew about Jin’d defects but at some point, he was blinded and he left Jin’s raging ocean lead him to darkness and loneliness.  
  
  
 _ **He left at dawn  
And as I slept I felt him go**_  
  
  
No, he didn’t understand. Jin left him in the middle of the night without explanation. What was he thinking? Could Kazuya not understand him? Would Kazuya not support him? Would Kazuya stop him?  
  
He spent three days in bed, staring at the empty room, waiting for Jin appeared through the door and talk it was a joke but it never happened. Kazuya waited for weeks until he partially understand what was happening. Anyway the endless ocean named Jin thrown Kazuya somewhere and now stealing all his forces, it only hoping he to drown. And he was going to drown. He closed his eyes and waited for the final darkness. It never came. The ocean was calm, allowing him floated and enjoyed moments of calm to recover his strength, then, swallowed him again.  
  
  
 _ **Returns no more  
I will not watch the ocean**_  
  
  
Kazuya believed he’d go mad. When others said he should calm down, he couldn't explain what the departure of Jin meant to him. Everyone was stunned and upset with Jin’s decision but they couldn’t understand how Kazuya felt because they didn’t know. Nobody knew what Jin represented to him. How could he explain that the only certain thing in his life was missing?  
  
No, he had not gone, he had decided to leave.  
  
  
 ** _My lover's gone  
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again  
Bring him home again_**  
  
  
When he realized he spent an entire day looking out the window, absorbing the feeling of abandonment, he tried to deal with the pain, the sadness and anger. The two first feelings, he could hide and deal with them later, but the third feeling was firm and strong. And it was when he learned. Kazuya was smart, he didn’t need new lessons.  
  
Johnny-san said the only who could do something for himself is him. It was said in a meeting, Kazuya couldn’t remember this exactly because he lived like a ghost, like a shadow who waiting for light to fade away. Johnny-san was right, although he didn’t know about Kazuya’s feelings.  
  
Kazuya realized what happening, what he might lose if he gives up, what was at stake. He fought against the powerful ocean, promising himself nothing more would impact him. No e-mails, no phone calls, no letters, no contact.  
  
Jin left him.  
Kazuya wouldn’t give up now.  
Even he lost his breath, even he chest hurt, even he want to cry when the sadness took off his guard, he couldn’t give up.  
He would do it for himself. He would never forgive himself if he loses KAT-TUN because his sadness. Work helped him keep busy. It would be fine while he could take care of himself.  
  
  
(…)  
  
  
Kazuya moved uneasily in his bed. He had dreams couldn’t control and he wished they didn’t do part of his life. He wake up later, his forehead sweat, alone in his dark room. He tried calm down his breathing and said to himself that it never happened again.  
  
Once was enough. Kazuya learned of the first time.  
  
He looked for a glass of water he left on nightstand and he drank the water in one glup. He needs to calm down, it was he needed to do. No change like that would help. He leave the empty glass and clasped hand until he felt physycal pain. That would distract him.  
  
Shrunk his legs and hid his face there. When he was a little better, lifted his head and stared at the dark room, thinking if he could he’d be there forever. Darkness had been a false enemy for some time, then Kazuya accepted it. It represented comfort and he could be himself whe he was with it.  
  
He hated those dreams. He had understood, didn’t need his mind stay alwayes remembering how it had been. It’s been months since Akanishi Jin left him, he had already understood. He was trying to do his best, was trying to get well. Deserved none of those dreams.  
  
When his breathing returned to normal and that odious feeling passed, Kazuya turned on the lamp and took the notebook kept on the nightstand. While he searching the last entry, his eyes read over the pages. There was always mention of Jin, love, loneliness and sadness. Found the last note, he began to write what that dream was brought to him.  
  
The ideia of writing was Koki when he said when he was said, he wrote for the feeling to go away. That was the third notebook, Kazuya wrote a lot.  
  
  
 _ **My lover's gone  
I know that kiss will be my last**_  
  
  
 _I was again in Jin’s room. I felt his soft kiss. I still searched for him, my arm groping the void he left. When I woke up, the walls weren’t in the tone they used to be, it were faded. The room looked old and unused. I was a dirty and cold bed. I ran through the house, my voice caught in my throat as I tried to scream at his name. The house was in ruins as if had vacant. I opened the front door, running after him and there was nothing out there. A great darkness. A great emptiness._  
  
Kazuya noticed he was shaking and shook hands to hold those tremors. He knew why. Jin had met in the dressing room that afternoon. Kazuya didn’t want to be around him, and he had gone to pick his things. Jin turned abruptly and whispered he loved him. When this was going to end? Every time he heard that he wanted to run to somewhere dark and stay there until all those stifling sensations vanished. Why Jin tortured him like that?  
  
  
 _ **No more his song  
The tune upon his lips has passed**_  
  
  
 _I thought I was overcoming it but I can’t when I listen him. I try to block all his actions but not all can. I’m tired to be near him. I just wanted it all to end. He was my past, the present is me and I have hope in the future. I wanted to believe what he says, I wanted to laugh at the things he talks about, I wish I could look at him without feeling bad. Can’t any of these things. I feel unhappy most of the time and sometimes it has harmed my involvement with the group, which has nothing to do with it._  
  
I wanted someone to tell me everything will be fine. I really want to believe that.  
  
He sighed and closed his notebook, leaving in its place. He sat on the bed, hugging his knees until daybreak. Kazuya didn’t want to remember, the past didn’t serve him. Didn’t want any of those feelings haunted him.  
  
It was time to put a stop to that situation.  
  
  
(…)  
  
  
  
Had long since he didn’t walk barefoot in the sand. The salty wind whipped their hair and Kazuya noted the immense ocean. If anything could help, it would be.  
  
The idea wasn’t his, he was thinking he was no longer able to help at all. Koki had suggested an onsen but when Kazuya replied the offer, he suggested the beach. The friend won a smile from Kazuya and a nod.  
  
  
 ** _I sing alone  
While I watch the ocean_**  
  
  
It was a gray day and Kazuya breathed, hugging smoothly. He closed his eyes and let that place fill him. There was so much to be filled, so to be hidden. There were scars, there were mistrust, there was pain.  
  
He opened his eyes and stared at the horizon. How big is his love? Was it the size of the world? He stood his ground, staring at the horizon. The ocean was Jin. He circled, he seduced him, he scared him.  
  
  
 ** _My lover's gone  
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again  
Bring him home again_**  
  
  
 _It was the end_. The ocean was just water. _The end_. There was land in the other side. _End_. He just needed to get there.  
  
He felt a weight on his shoulders and turned to see Koki smiling gently. He mumbled an apology and Kazuya grabbed the jacket that was offered. Muttered a 'thank you' and looked back at the ocean.  
  
They were silent for a long time, just making each other company. They were sitting on the cold sand, watching the dusk formed on the horizon and the ocean swallow the light of day. The night progressed, the street light above illuminating enough for them to continue there.  
  
Kazuya sighed and looked at Koki. “Arigatou”.  
  
Koki stared at him. “It’ll be fine, Kame-chan”.  
  
Upon hearing this, Kazuya hid part of his face on his knees that he hugged and smiled. Was all he needed to hear.


End file.
